


hold both hands over my eyes

by carrotstix



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s03e17 Trinity, F/F, Lena Luthor Doesn't Know Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Finds Out Kara Danvers is Supergirl, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Mild Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-03
Updated: 2018-10-03
Packaged: 2019-07-24 19:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16181351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carrotstix/pseuds/carrotstix
Summary: Tapped into the communication system for Supergirl and Company's showdown against the Worldkillers, Lena is unable to more than really listen to the battle down below. For the most part, it's just typical noise, grunts and groaning, but when the sun disappears and Supergirl is knocked unconscious by a particularly strong blow, Lena hears Alex drops her sister's name in panic, and suddenly, it all clicks.(Set during 3x17, Winn gives Lena an earpiece and when Alex accidentally shouts her sister's name, a lot of things begin to make sense.)





	hold both hands over my eyes

**Author's Note:**

> hi I fell down the supercorp hole again y'all i'm BACK  
> title lyric from warmth by bastille

Lena has been in love with Kara Danvers for quite some time, whether or not she had chosen to accept it. It had started with a bright-eyed not-yet-reporter trailing after Clark Kent into her office, and had turned into donuts and brunch and chinese take-out, before spiraling into game nights and phone calls and _“Kara Danvers,_ you _are my hero”,_ and it had all mounted into friendship.

But Lena is a Luthor, she ruins whatever she touches, and it was foolish of her to ever think she deserved to even be friends with Kara, let alone anything more.

-

Lena is not in love with Supergirl.

Sure, for a while, they had been- well, not really friends, but- Lena had trusted her, for the most part, and it had seemed to go both ways. Together, they’d worked to overthrow the Daxamite invasion, and Supergirl had saved her life several times over, sometimes right in the nick of time (See: Lena being thrown off her own balcony by her mother’s minions), so maybe she had thought, maybe, that there was something almost akin to friendship lurking around there.

But Lex leaves her Kryptonite in his vaults, she uses it to help Sam, and the look in Supergirl’s eyes turns from shock to hurt to hard in seconds. Lena can’t figure out why that stings.

The idea of friendship falls apart after that.

-

(Lena does not love James Olsen.

She almost wishes she did. It would make it all so much less complicated. Sure, she likes him well enough, considerably more than she did when she had first bought CatCo, but James… James doesn’t make her _feel,_ not the way Kara does. He doesn’t make her heart race, doesn’t make her chest pound, but-

He is handsome, and distracting, and Lena can work with that.)

-

When Lena is yanked from the Dark Valley, still able to almost feel Sam’s fingers against her throat, she comes to slowly, then all at once, shooting up in her seat and gazing around wide-eyed. To her left, Supergirl is sitting up, already intent on finding the Worldkillers. They’ve already got a location, as it turns out, and the ship is on its way there.

Lena tries to get up, tries to follow after them, but Supergirl seems to stammer just a little before suggesting- almost ordering, really- that she stays on board. She isn’t all too happy to be benched, and she’s verging on protesting when Supergirl gives her a _look._ Something in her eyes causes Lena to trip up, and when she notices just how big and blue they really are, she feels like she’s missing something.

The heroes, Alex and her new suit included, are sent down into the mass of rocky spikes below the ship, and it’s not long after that the ship trembles, and both sets of thrusters are blown out. Lena manages to help keep them up, but once they’re fine in the air again, she watches Winn as he murmurs things to nobody, tilting his head like someone is speaking to him.

When he looks up and sees Lena, he blinks before realization crosses his face. “I’m linked into a comm system,” he explains, tilting his head to show the device in his ear. She doesn’t reply right away, and he takes that as a cue to speak more, fumbling over his words before he manages to string them together into a coherent thought.

“Here, uh- you may as well tap in, too,” he adds. “After all, I know K- _Sam_ is your friend, Sam is your very close friend, and you probably want to know what’s going on, so here.”

He hands over an earpiece, identical to the one he’s wearing, and she glances at him before fitting it into her ear. It takes less than a moment for her to turn it on, and right away, she can hear the distant grunts, the sounds of fists connecting, and what sounds like the _shoom_ of someone’s laser vision.

“Um, guys, Lena’s hooked into the comm system now,” he says, but no acknowledgement comes through from down below. In fact, if she hadn’t heard it come through her end, she would have assumed it didn’t go through.

“Do we have any visual, any way to see what’s going on below?” She asks, holding a hand up to cover the comms. She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t both curious and anxious about what’s happening. Not only for Sam’s sake, of course, but for everyone else down there. If Sam hurt Alex, or Supergirl, or anyone else, she knew it would only distress the woman more when she came to herself.

“Unfortunately, we do not,” Winn replies. “We haven’t been able to come up with an effective body camera streaming system that not only works well enough to suit our needs, but can survive being tossed around by aliens on the daily. Plus, usually these battles happen in places more… public, or open, places where we can see it without having to bring our own recording equipment.”

“How do you help if you can’t see?”

The smile he gives is almost grim, and it doesn’t reach his eyes. “If they ask you questions, you answer them,” he tells her. “But other than that? There’s not much you can do.”

At that moment, there’s an increase in the grunting and groaning, obvious sounds of pain. Something in Lena’s chest pings at the sound of it, and there’s a far away, low hum of voice. _Sam,_ she thinks, except it isn’t really Sam, not like this.

Brainy chooses that moment to pipe up and inform them that the eclipse has reached its peak; with the sun covered up, Supergirl’s powers are drained. Feelings panic rise in her, Lena turns to Winn.

“What does that mean?” She asks.

He blinks, distant fear coloring his eyes. “I don’t know.”

Over the communications system, there’s a loud crash, a groan, and a gasp. And then-

_“Kara!”_

Alex’s voice echoes in the comms, and Lena freezes. Beside her, Winn goes pale, color draining from his face, and he reaches for a tablet beside him, typing rapidly until he pulls up a screen full of information.

Lena’s heart races in her chest. _Kara?_

The noise in Lena’s ears only gets louder. Alex is shouting ( _“Get the hell away from my sister!”_ ) and there’s a blast, followed by something indecipherable.

“Alex, what’s going on down there?” Winn asks, voice rising with a hint of fear.

 _“Supergirl’s down,”_ comes the response, edging towards frantic. _“Reign is- fuck- Julia! Julia, please, we need you to help us, I-”_

Alex’s voice cuts out abruptly, and Lena feels panic rage in her chest. All she can think is _Supergirl_ and _Kara_ and _what is happening down there?_

Any train of thought is overshadowed by the screeching that comes through, causing Winn, Brainy, and Lena all to wince. Even though the sound is distant, it’s still piercing, and Lena has to resist the urge to rip out her earpiece.

The painful noise gives way to quiet, panting breathing. She hears the woman she doesn’t know - _Mon-El’s girlfriend? Lover? Wife? Something of the sort-_ whispering, and under that, Lena can hear something crumbling, growing louder and louder until it’s filling all the empty space in her ear..

Everyone speaks at once, overlapping each other. J’onn is suggesting an exit, an _“I can’t carry her”_ comes from Alex, and then there’s an offer of help from Mon-El, all of the words seeming to blend together.

(Lena can’t help but notice Supergirl is silent.)

( _Oh my God, is Kara-_ )

She glances up just time time to see everyone appearing onboard the ship.  They all look worn, a little weathered, but for the most part, they seem alright.

Except Supergirl. The blonde is limp in the arms of a wide-eyed Mon-El, her head lolled to the side just enough for her face to be visible, and when Lena looks over, she thinks she’s going to be sick, because in that moment, everything clicks.

_(-Kara Danvers believes in you-)_

_(-flew here on a bus-)_

_(-getting coffee with Kara Danvers when you called-)_

_(-will always protect you-)_

All those lunches Kara ducked out of, the loaded looks Supergirl’s always given her, the cutting look of betrayal in her eyes when she found of Lena had Kryptonite, it’s-

Kara is Supergirl.

 _Kara Danvers_ is Supergirl.

There’s not a moment for Lena to say anything before Alex is shouting directions, both her and Mon-El running off, and Lena barely hesitates before trailing after them. Nobody takes notice of her, says anything, and she watches from the doorway to the room as they strap Kara down to some sort of bed, hooking her up to a monitor beside it.

“Turn on the sun lamps,” Alex demands, and instantly, Kara is draped in gold coming from the ship’s ceiling, the light so bright Lena almost squints from the other side of the room. Winn, still clutching his tablet, glances back and forth between it and the monitor before sighing in relief. When Alex notices him calming down, her eyes light up with something like hope.

“She’s fine,” he tells her. “It’s likely that between the sun going out and getting tossed around, she probably just passed out or something of the like. It might take a while, but when she comes to, she should be fine.”

Alex’s shoulders slump. “Has she blown out her powers?”

Winn shakes his head. “It’s possible, but pretty unlikely,” he replies. “The amount of solar radiation in her cells already seems to be coming back up, and I suspect she’ll be perfectly fine once she’s awake.”

“Any time estimate on that?” Mon-El cuts in, and Winn shrugs.

Alex glances across the room, and that’s when her eyes land on Lena, still standing in the doorway with unblinking eyes. “Lena,” she starts. “Everything should-”

“I know it’s Kara,” Lena all but blurts, and everyone in the room snaps to look at her. She doesn’t flinch under their gaze, only tilts her chin up. “You called her by her name over the comms.”

“You were tapped in-”

“I said that,” Winn cuts in, sounding almost exasperated, but shrinks when Alex turns to look at him. The redhead seems conflicted for a moment, before turning back to Lena. Without saying a word to anyone else in the room, she crosses to the other woman and grabs her elbow to lead her off and out. Lena doesn’t protest or put up a fight, allowing herself to be led away.

“In Kara’s defense, she wanted to tell you,” the older Danvers says, once they’re alone. “She was just afraid.”

“Because I’m a Luthor?”

Alex scoffs. “She doesn’t care about that,” she responds. “You’re her best friend, she trusts you.”

“Not with this,” Lena replies, determined to be stubborn. “Not with Kryptonite.”

Alex sighs. “That was different,” she protests.

“Humans are killed by a number of things, I don’t get upset about that.”

“You were knowingly harboring a weapon collected by your brother for the sole, original intent of being able to kill Kara and her cousin,” Alex points out. “When she’s 50% of the target audience, it’s pretty hard not to take that personally.”

Lena opens her mouth to protest, but shuts it. Any sort of rebuttal she can come up with feels childish and petty, and so she doesn’t argue anymore. “That’s fair,” she concedes. There’s a moment of quiet between the two, both of them considering each other, before Alex sighs.

“Look, for the whole time she’s lived on Earth, Kara’s only ever told two people that she’s an alien,” the redhead explains. “In fact, she really only wanted to tell one person; the other time, she was doing it to try and rescue me from being sent to Cadmus.”

“And the other?”

“Was Winn, the morning after she saved that first plane,” Alex answers. “But besides that, she hasn’t _told_ people. My family knew when she came to stay with us, James knew when he moved to National City, and the DEO has always known. Hell, even Maggie figured it out on her own.”

The last sentence is muttered, but Lena picks up on it anyway, frowning just the slightest. “None of that instantly absolves her, you know,” she replies, but some of the bite has fallen out of her tone now. She winces, because she can hear the notes of hurt crawling into her voice, and she forces them back down, keeping her gaze on the other woman steady and steel.

“It doesn’t,” Alex agrees, so easy that it catches Lena by surprise. “But she’s got her own reasons, and I think that, when she wakes up, it’s between the two of you to talk those out.”

A long silence passes between them before Lena nods. Alex gives the barest hint of a smile, resting a gentle hand on the brunette’s shoulder for a second before letting it fall back to her side.

“I’ll talk to Kara when she wakes up,” Lena tells her. “But not- not right away. I think I’d rather like to go back to my office now.”

“I can make that happen,” Alex says. And true to her word, she does, going so far as to drive the youngest Luthor from the DEO to L-Corp herself, dropping her off right outside the front door.

Before Alex drives away, she rolls down the passenger side window, leaning her body across the seat. Lena pauses, only a few steps from her building.

“For what it’s worth,” she says. “Kara has always, always believed in you. Whenever you were under suspicion, when the rest of us was ready to count you out, Kara was always on your side. Even when the evidence said she shouldn’t, she never doubted your innocence, circumstances be damned. I have not always been your biggest fan, and neither has the DEO, and for a long time, nobody distrusted you more than James, but never Kara.”

Lena blinks, because Alex’s eyes are heavy and brown and filled with… _something._ After a long pause, the redhead nods, shifting the car into drive before pulling away, and Lena watches it disappear up the street and around the corner, no doubt on her way back to a still unconscious Kara.

(Lena doesn’t know what to think anymore, because she loves _Kara,_ but _Kara_ is _Supergirl,_ and Lena isn’t even sure if she trusts Supergirl, let alone anything else beyond that.

All she knows is that, no matter what, she wants Kara to wake up okay.)

-

Despite the fact that it has begun to grow later, the sun maybe an hour from dipping out of the sky, and most of her employees have left for the day, she makes her way up to the top floor only to find that the ever dutiful Jess is still sat in her chair at her desk. Even with Lena out of the office, the other woman is still here, plugging away at her keyboard and writing notes down on a planner.

When she notices Lena, her head snaps up. “Miss Luthor!” She says, almost an exclamation. “I thought you said you were taking the rest of the day to take care of something.”

“It’s taken care of,” Lena replies, doing her best to offer her assistant a smile before striding past into her office. She can feel Jess watching her go, but she does her best to ignore it as the doors close behind her. The second she’s alone, out of view of anyone else who could see her, she deflates, back against the door with a sigh. Today comes crashing into her like a freight train, the weight of it all starting to give her a headache.

_Sam escaped and turned back into Reign, maybe permanently. Ruby has no idea what’s going on, and likely just misses her mother terribly. Her best friend is Supergirl, has been this whole time, and, oh God, did their friendship only start so Kara could keep an eye on the youngest Luthor? Is anything between them even real?_

Trying to shake herself into a more composed state, she crosses the room and pours herself a decent three fingers worth of the good Scotch she keeps at L-Corp. While she certainly isn’t slow about it, she does take a few moments to sip the alcohol, rather than tossing her head back and drinking as fast as she can.

She resists the urge to pour more once she’s finished it, and instead takes a seat at her desk and starting her computer up before scanning through some of the files Jess must have placed on her desk earlier in the day. Despite  the fact that it’s already 6:30 pm, it could be just any other afternoon at L-Corp for her.

Or, it would be, if Lena could focus. She’s always been good at tuning out the noise in her head to pay attention to the task on hand, but after everything that had happened recently, she was finding it rather hard keep her mind on L-Corp business when everything else around her, everything she had trusted, was thrown into contention. Her two closest friends were somehow _both_ Kryptonian. On top of that, one had been lying to her, and the other one was currently _evil,_ so… things were not looking their best.

After maybe an hour and a half, Lena sighs and gives in, calling her driver to come take her back to her apartment, intent on getting at least a glass or two of wine into her system to try and quiet her thoughts. On the drive from L-Corp to the building her apartment lies in, her phone beeps with a message from Alex, letting her know that Kara’s woken up with a clean bill of health. She sends back a quick thank you just as her driver pulls up to her destination, and she thanks him before climbing out of the car and heading inside.

The first, and very generous, glass of wine has just been poured when the texts start to come in.

****

**_Kara [8:24 PM]:_ ** _Alex told me what happened, I am so so sorry, Lena_

 **_Kara [8:24 PM]:_ ** _I wanted to tell you, I promise, but it was complicated and I was selfish_

 **_Kara [8:25 PM]:_ ** _Can we talk about this?? I want to explain_

****

Lena scans over the messages as she takes a rather large sip of her drink. There’s a twinge in her chest that’s almost painful as she reads them, because texts from Kara usually tend to involve decent amounts of emojis and exclamation points. This is more formal, apologetic, and _God,_ today has been the craziest 14 or so hours since she’d left the apartment this morning.

She reads the messages from Kara over again, sipping her wine until it’s more than half gone, and sighs. No matter what, Kara may be Supergirl, but she’s Kara, and lately, that’s been a real weak spot for Lena.

****

**_Lena [8:29 PM]:_ ** _Okay_

****

She’s about to type more, intending to try and set up a meeting tomorrow around lunch, but she’s interrupted by a tapping on the window. When she looks over, there’s Kara, hovering on the other side of the glass. Taken aback, Lena blinks. It’s obvious that wherever Kara was, she came straight from there. Instead of her usual button ups or cardigans, or even the Supergirl suit, the blonde is instead wearing black leggings and a pale sweatshirt. With her hair pulled up but her glasses missing, in that moment, Lena is able to see it, both sides of her. Without the lenses, Kara’s eyes look bigger, more rounded, and she sees Supergirl in them _so clearly._ On the flipside, however, the lines of the blonde’s face are soft, hesitant and gentle, unlike the confidence Supergirl always seems to exude.

 _(Huh,_ she thinks, because in that moment, it hits that everytime Supergirl saved her, plucked her out of the sky or jumped in between her and some danger, it was Kara, always Kara.)

She spends such a long moment studying her that Lena forgets Kara’s actually waiting outside. Unlike her office, there’s no balcony here, and the windows aren’t made to open. Without any other idea of communicating this to Kara, she reaches over for her phone again.

****

**_Lena [8:31 PM]:_ ** _The windows don’t open, the only way in is through the door._

****

She’s almost amused to watch Kara reach for her phone, glancing back and forth between it and Lena before typing a response.

****

**_Kara [8:31 PM]:_ ** _is there security in the lobby??_

 **_Lena [8:32 PM]:_ ** _Of course._

 **_Kara [8:32 PM]:_ ** _Do I have to sneak in or will they let me up?_

 **_Lena [8:32 PM]:_ ** _Do you have ID on you?_

****

Kara pauses at that, and she reaches down to pat her front pockets before flashing Lena a thumbs up. The gesture is so _Kara_ that she almost forgets the other woman is currently hovering in mid-air outside her apartment for a moment.

****

**_Lena [8:33 PM]:_ ** _He’ll let you in._

 **_Kara [8:33 PM]:_ ** _Okay_

****

Lena glances up just in time to meet Kara’s eyes before she disappears, on her way up to the apartment the normal- human- way. Taking advantage of the time she’s got, Lena finishes off the wine she already has before pouring another glass worth of red, knowing fully well she’ll need it for the coming conversation.

The knock outside is soft, hesitant, and Lena swallows before padding over. She knows, of course, that it’s Kara, but she still glances through the peephole for a second before opening the door.

The first thing she notices is that the glasses are back, but Kara pulls them off as soon as she steps inside. At the arch of an eyebrow, Kara clears her throat.

“I, uh, didn’t want to be recognized,” she explains. “But I don’t actually need them to see.”

“So they’re just for show?” Lena asks.

Kara fiddles with the frames in her hands, still only a few steps into the apartment. “Not completely,” she replies. “Jeremiah, my adoptive father, made them. The frames are lead, which helps keep my x-ray vision and, uh- super hearing in check. They can be kind of distracting for… everyday use.”

Lena hums, accepting that answer with a nod before making a vague gesture towards one of the bar stools in her kitchen. Taking the hint, Kara slides into a seat.

“Would you like some wine?” Lena offers, leaning against the kitchen island as she sips her own.

“Uh, no thank you,” Kara replies, and the brunette gives a soft snort.

“Right,” she says. “It doesn’t really affect you, does it?”

“No,” Kara murmurs. “Not human alcohol, at least.”

At that, Lena raises an eyebrow. “There’s alien alcohol?”

It isn’t really a surprise, not if she thinks about it, but Kara nods. “It’s poisonous to humans, though,” she adds, as if she were afraid Lena was going to go hunt down alien liquor and chug it if nobody stopped her.

“Huh,” Lena whispers. There’s a long bout of silence as she sips her wine, and Kara only watches, doesn’t speak. When Lena places her glass back on the counter, the blonde is still quiet in her seat.

“You know, when I agreed to talk, I didn’t mean to show up at my apartment right away,” Lena says. As if she wasn’t already tense enough, Kara seems to stiffen even more.

“Oh, I- uh,” she stammers, dropping her gaze to her hands, fiddling on the marble countertop of the kitchen island. “Sorry, I got your message and I reacted a little impulsively.”

“So I noticed.”

Kara hesitates. The air between them is heavy, and Lena’s voice is frosty, hardened. It’s almost brutally obvious to the blonde just how hurt Lena is, and even though she’s trying to hide it, to put up a cold mask, it’s not working. Even Lena can tell, but she still holds on to it anyways, like a final line of defense.

Kara clears her throat. “You can ask me anything,” she says, waving a hand through the air, palm up. “Anything. Whatever you want, I’ll answer it.”

Humming, Lena swirls her wine around in her glass. “How much of it was a lie?”

“Huh?”

The brunette looks up to meet her eyes. “How much of our friendship,” she repeats. “Was a lie?”

Kara blinks, before shaking her head. “None of it,” she insists. “None of it, I swear. No matter what I did or didn’t tell you, you’re my friend, Lena, I promise.”

“So the Last Daughter of Krypton just _happens_ to befriend the youngest Luthor, huh?” Lena murmurs, lips twitching up in a bitter smile. “I find that hard to believe.”

Huffing, Kara sits a little straighter, placing both hands flat on the counter. “Okay, yes, when I went with Clark to interview you, it was about whether or not you had anything to do with the Venture explosion,” she admits. “But the rest- it wasn’t like that! I… after that interview, there was something about you I- I admired! I _wanted_ to be friends with you! It wasn’t about you being a Luthor, it was about you being you, you being _Lena!”_

Almost stunned, Lena’s grip on her wine tightens, and she looks up to see Kara staring up at her with something bordering desperation in her eyes. Desperation, Lena realizes, to be believed, and not because she’s lying, because-

Because she’s telling the truth.

She takes another sip from her glass, trying not to let it show just how much that affects her. It doesn’t instantly erase all the lies, doesn’t make everything okay all of a sudden, but to know that their friendship isn’t rooted in distrust of Lena’s last name is more of a relief than she would care to tell.

Lena laughs, just a little. “Of all people to want to be friends with the younger sister of Lex Luthor,” she muses. “And it just happened to be the younger cousin of Superman.”

Kara huffs a small laugh under her breath. “Older, actually,” she corrects. “Well, at least- I was born first.”

Curiosity piqued, Lena looks up. “Isn’t Superman older than you?” She asks.

“Physically, here on Earth, yes,” Kara replies. “He wasn’t always.”

Lena doesn’t say anything, only raises an eyebrow, waiting for Kara to continue. The blonde coughs, shifting in her seat before she starts speaking again.

“I was thirteen when Krypton died,” she explains, her voice unusually small. “Kal- Superman was an infant. I was supposed to protect him, but his pod came straight to Earth, but mine got knocked off course. Mine ended up stuck in the Phantom Zone, and I was suspended there for twenty-four years. Time inside the Phantom Zone, uh, doesn’t really pass, so when I finally arrived on Earth, I was still thirteen. Kal was almost twenty-five; he didn’t really need me to protect him anymore.”

A part of Lena recognizes, at the moment, the loss. It’s always been known that Supergirl, and Superman, were the survivors of a fallen planet. Ever since she’s arrived to Earth, Supergirl carried that burden on her shoulders like a weight. That would have never surprised Lena.

What does surprise Lena is that Kara, bright and sunny Kara Danvers, has been the one carrying this weight. She has had to hold on to it for years, and yet she is still this bright-eyed, caring, wonderfully optimistic person.

Kars shifts, and she realizes that she’s been silent for more than a minute, just thinking about what the other woman said. The blonde has begun to fidget again, waiting to see what Lena will say now, if she’ll even say anything at all.

“Is Kara even your real name?” Lena asks, eventually.

Kara nods. “Danvers isn’t, of course, but Kara is,” she answers. “My real name is Kara Zor-El.”

“Zor-El,” Lena repeats, not questioning, but rather, testing.

“It was my father’s name,” Kara tacks on. “On Krypton, daughters take their father’s name, traditionally to keep the family name in it. My father was Zor-El, from the house of El, and so I was Kara Zor-El.”

Humming, Lena drains the last of her wine, placing the now empty glass in the sink in hopes of keeping herself from getting another glass. It’s only a Wednesday night, after all, and she’ll have places to be tomorrow morning, either at L-Corp, CatCo, or the DEO, so she’d rather not have a hangover.

However, having the drink in her hand was a sort of comfort, something to hold on to, and now she feels a little uncomfortable, standing in her own kitchen with Kara sitting at her counter. The hot-ticket, burning question is on her mind, rattling around in her chest, as is are the hot, horrible feelings that come with it. It’s the same question that’s been running through her head ever since she found out, even after Alex dropped her off at L-Corp, even after she made it back to her apartment.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

It falls from her lips before she can stop it. Once it’s out there, though, it’s like the dam cracking, because more just keeps spilling out, all the hurt and confusion from earlier.

“I mean, I get it, I’m a _Luthor,_ but God, Kara, I trusted you, and I thought you trusted me. I’ve been open, I’ve been honest, I’ve told you things I’ve never told another soul before-”

“Lena-”

“-Not even Jack! I’ve told you about Lillian, about Lex! I’ve told you about things that make me insecure, things that scare me! And I get it, this is your secret, this is your life-”

“Lena-”

“-But there’s a point when secrets become lies, Kara! You’ve kept this from me for so long, when practically everyone else in your life knows, except me! What makes me so different, what makes me not worth knowing-”

_“Lena.”_

Lena freezes, the words on her tongue dying, when she looks up to find Kara standing in front of her, bordering on invading her personal space. There’s a strong hand on each of her biceps, the grip like iron, and there’s an intensity in Kara’s eyes that she’s only seen a few times before, but never this strong.

“It was never about that, about any of that,” Kara insists, her voice firm. “Lena, you are my _best_ friend. I care about you _so_ much. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t trust you, I didn’t tell you because I’m _selfish.”_

Kara’s hands have grown tighter around her arms, and they both seem to come to that realization at the same time, the blonde dropping her hands to her sides and taking the smallest step back. Lena blinks.

“I don’t understand,” she says.

Sighing, Kara runs a hand through her hair. “You’re right, everyone in my life knows, but sometimes- I wish they didn’t,” she explains. “When I met Alex, she resented me. I was this little alien girl somebody had dropped on her doorstep. Now, her job, her _whole life_ , has been dedicated to protecting me, keeping me safe. James is my friend only _because_ I’m an alien, because he came here to watch over me as a favor to Superman. I mean, even with Winn. Yes, we were friends before he knew, but what brought us closer, what made us _friends-friends,_ was him helping me with my suit, helping me fight crime. These are my friends, and they’re my family and they _love_ me, but a part of them will always see me as an alien, as Supergirl.

“But you- you just liked _me._ You liked Kara Danvers, mousy reporter, the girl who was supposed to be plain, just another face in the crowd. You liked me for me, and I was afraid- I was afraid you would see me different if you knew I was Supergirl. Everyone in my life, they expect me to be a hero. They expect me to be untouchable, always right, always good. I have to be honest, I have to be unfailingly stable, I have to be a _hero._ You’ve- you’ve never expected that from me. You only ever expected me to be _me.”_

There’s something about this moment, Lena thinks, that’s ironic. Kara is standing in her kitchen, explaining the hardships of being an alien on earth, but when Lena looks at her, she thinks the blonde has never looked more _human,_ leaned against the counter and staring out the window, obviously trying to push down tears welling in her eyes.

They both let the silence fall after that moment. Lena is trying to process what she’s just heard, confusion and relief and sorrow. Sorrow, not for herself, but for Kara. Here is a woman who lost an entire planet, a family, her whole world. Even now, thirteen or so years after the destruction of Krypton, Lena can see it so clearly, the part of Kara who is still grieving the life she’d lost, the one she should have had. No matter what she has now, no matter what she’s gained, Kara will always been the survivor of a tragedy, will always be affected.

When she turns her gaze from the window, their eyes meet. Kara’s face is soft, and sad, but mostly, apologetic.

“Lena, I’m _sorry,”_ she repeats, and when her voice cracks, Lena feels it. She feels it in her chest, and so she can’t really be helped when she says-

“It’s okay.”

Kara’s eyes go big, like she wasn't expecting it. She probably wasn’t, and honestly, Lena wasn’t sure if it would come, either, but here it is.

“I’m still hurt,” Lena continues. “And I’m not sure if- if I’m ready to forgive you fully yet, but- I understand.”

“You do?”

Lena nods, glancing down at her clasped hands in front of her before lifting her head again. “I still need time to think but… I think I understand, a little. That doesn’t mean I agree that you shouldn’t of told me, because I rather wish you had, but… I can understand the reasoning.”

“I never did it to hurt you,” Kara whispers, barely audible.

“I know,” Lena replies. “I know you didn’t. It just takes time.”

“Time,” Kara echoes. “Does that mean- should I go?”

Lena’s lips turn up in a sad smile. “That might be for the best.”

Kara looks a little downtrodden at that, but she dips her head in understanding, climbing to her feet. She pauses, however, and turns back to look at Lena with those big eyes.

“Can I- uh, can I hug you?” Kara asks.

Lena swallows, before nodding, and right away, Kara is standing in front of her. The arms that wrap around her are gentle, but strong, and Lena can’t help sink a little into the embrace as she returns it. Without her heels, Kara’s got a couple of inches on her now, and Lena presses her nose into the other woman’s collarbone with the barest hint of a sigh.

“I love you,” Kara says, and if feels heavy. It’s not the first time she’s said it to Lena, but it feels different, like the words carry more weight than before. Maybe, the brunette thinks, they do.

“I love you, too,” Lena echoes, and she feels Kara’s arms tighten around her for a split second before disappearing. They’re both silent as Kara reaches for her glasses and makes her way towards the door. Their goodbyes go unsaid, but when the door opens, Lena can’t help but speak.

“I’ll call you,” Lena assures, as the blonde steps out of the apartment. “When I’m ready, I’ll- I’ll let you know, okay?”

Kara smiles, a little hesitant, but she nods before disappearing, closing the door behind her with a soft click. Lena stares at the space left behind, standing in the kitchen in silence for a long time before, slowly, she starts to get ready for bed.

(That night, as she washes her face in the mirror, she decides that no matter what, Kara is Kara. Nothing changes that, alien biology or superhero identity.)

-

Lena watches as James leaves, a slight slump to his shoulders. It hurts a little to see, but as her office doors swing shut behind him, she can’t deny that a part of her feels relieved. She’d liked James, but not enough, not like she should’ve. Breaking up with him had stung, for them both, but her heart had never been in it like it should’ve, and James deserved someone who could give him that, could love him the way a good man deserved to be loved.

Turning her back to the entrance of her office, Lena glances at her desk. There are several stacks of files that, sooner or later, are going to require her attention. A product of all the time she’d spent trying to help Sam, she supposes, but she doesn’t regret that. Maybe the way she went about it, sure, but not what she did, not trying to save her friend from something nearly unspeakable.

On the edge of her desk, however, is her cell phone, and looking at it, Lena can’t help but think of Kara. They haven’t spoken since two nights ago, but she had run into the blonde yesterday when she’d gone to the DEO to check on their progress and see if there was any way she could help. The two of them had made eye contact, and when she had offered Kara a small smile, the blonde had returned it wholeheartedly, grinning with wide, blue eyes.

(It stung, but Lena gets it now. She’s hurt, and that’s fair, but she gets it. She’s ready to forgive.)

Making her decision like _that,_ Lena reaches out and grabs her phone. It’s easy to find Kara’s contact in her messages, considering that the only other people she’s texted since Wednesday night have been either CatCo or L-Corp associated, and she taps on it before she changes her mind.

****

**_Lena [9:41 AM]:_ ** _The Chinese place downtown at 11:30, are you free?_

 **_Kara [9:41 AM]:_ ** _yes!!!!_

 **_Kara [9:41 AM]:_ ** _i will see you then!! :)_

****

The reply is nearly instant, and Kara’s eagerness is noticeable even through text. It makes her lips twitch up at the corners, despite herself, and the small smile stays on her face even as she drops into her desk chair and pulls the closest file into her lap.

(It feels like things are going to be alright.)

-

(Lena Luthor is in love with Kara Danvers, but Kara Danvers is Kara Zor-El, and Kara Zor-El is Supergirl.

But that’s okay. Lena loves her anyway. Not for a last name, not for being an alien, not for being a superhero.

Lena loves Kara for Kara, and isn’t that how love should be anyway?)

**Author's Note:**

> hey, you can follow my tumblr at i-am-not-carrot.tumblr.com or my twitter account at @cam_stans  
> thanks for reading and drop me a comment if you liked it!!


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